Next Chapter

It's time to turn the last page to end the current chapter and start a new one. May the New Year be as colourful and eventful as the past and present ones.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Reflections

It's the time of the year when people start talking about the resolution they plan to embark upon the following year. Everyone you meet or talk to would not fail to pop the question at one point of the conversation. But for me, I don't set resolutions, I prefer reflecting the year at the end of it, see what I've done differently and what can I do differently for the next.

As far as 2011 gets in account, it has been a year with quite a few number of firsts for me. This year marks the first time I

• ever read a blog and started it myself
• traveled to a country I've never been before with a partner
• bothered to know who lives next to me
• did not get drunk in a club
• ever went grocery shopping
• woke up so early in the morning to be late
• did not do a domestic route with MH; been an AK boy
• learned the joys of cheating in a game of Monopoly
• spent so many days working in KL in a year (sucks)
• never got a parking ticket
• didn't play practical jokes on anyone I know

The year had also been pretty good mix of highs and lows. I took the biggest hit in November when I had a mini emotional break-down, traveled the least and spent Christmas in Malaysia after a decade. 

On the plus side, my collection of die-cast models grew very well which got good money flowing out, met quite a healthy number of interesting people with some really amazing conversations. In addition, I also went back to school this year after quite a long gap and that has been keeping my last quarter of this year really busy.

I also started reporting to a new manager who has challenged me to a game of chess and I did figure out the cancer cell at my workplace - time to get some chemo action. Job stability and satisfaction has been a roller-coaster ride all year long, so as the personal life. This year also called for a lot of movies in the cinema and many nights of drinks and laughter with close buddies.

The presence of my godson has given me a different perspective on many things in life while the mrs., well, is still the missus.

To sum, it's been an average year with its equally share of sunny and rainy days. One of the things that I'm most pleased is that I fell sick only twice throughout the year and I got back being healthy and my stamina has increased very well for someone who has neglected his health and smokes quite a fair bit.

I wish for better times ahead next year.

Zombified??

I'm not sure why, but since the run - up to Christmas I've been feeling this way. I initially thought it was due to the exams coming soon, but I'm beginning to doubt it now. My finals is next week and I still can't sit down to study, though being on a study break.

I just don't have the spirit in me to get anything done. I'm having the couldn't careless and couldn't be bothered attitude. The only thing that I ever want to do now is shop for my models, and I've been spending a lot of time on Ebay, buying and bidding for stuff.

When would I get out of this phase? I need to get focused for my finals.

On another note, I've decided to look for a new job  as I don't want to waste my time in my current place. But, I wont leave without biting! At least that part of me has not disappeared - what a relief.

Christmas Missings

Christmas this year didn't seem to get much of my attention - I don't know why. As far as my memory serves, it was the time of the year where I'd be looking forward to. I really have no idea what crawled into me this year that I've just lost the spark in me to celebrate Christmas.

The things I did NOT do this Christmas:

1. setup my Christmas Tree
2. buy any gifts for anyone I know that has either stopped breathing or still is
3. bother wishing anyone except for a very few limited people that I felt it'll be rude to not wish at all
4. have any mince pies
5. have even a single serving of eggnog
6. catch up with close ones over hot chocolate and marshmallows
7. do my annual charity contribution
8. go on a holiday
9. have Jace by my side

This is certainly going to be one Christmas that I'd want to forget over time, sooner rather than later. But despite all the quietness, I did have a very nice Christmas eve dinner with some very close knits and the roasted turkey was, well, turkeylicious, as we unanimously decided on it. I also had a great time with two of my best friends over dinner last night. Followed by a nice chocolate brownie which I dug into like a pig and my favorite German beer accompanied by an interesting band. 

It was generally a good evening until I bumped into another friend that I recently got to know from uni later that evening and she told me that her boyfriend broke-up with her on Christmas day. 

What kind of a person would do that? But I did see the breaking up coming soon as she has somewhat shared some stories with me off late.

Anyways, I hope next year would be a better time for me and I don't feel so passion or even soulless for Christmas. 

Babi Quota - Checked

Today marked my last working day for the year. I'm so happy about it as I don't have to think about work until the next year.

Today also marked the beginning of all my Christmas parties and get together until New Year. It is going to ten fun filled nights with close friends and people that I care about.

On a lesser of a happy note, my office admin told me today that she is tendering her resignation letter and it will also be her last day in the office though next Friday would be her last official working day. This news came about a bit sad as I would be going to an office next year with one lesser person. However, I am still happy for her as she is progressing in her career and the organization she is joining is quite a reputable one.

In addition, I found out who the cancer cell in the office is. This is the culprit that been causing all the spats between my manager and I. Now that I know who it is, it's time for me to form my alliance and outs it from the office. There is no room for parasites, especially when you're in a remote office. Dude, you messed up the wrong person. I'll crush you soon. You'd be tasting your own medicine, but double the dosage only - no biggie!

Anyways, since it's Christmas time, I will choose to not forgive you since I've not been all that good this year and I'm sure I'm not on Santa's list for receiving any pressies. Plus, I did buy myself some over the last few day through ebay and they are already beginning to arrive.

While being on the not very pleasant stories note, I won't be going over to my brother's because I couldn't get a ticket. There was only one available with Singapore Airlines and it was their suits. Would certainly be nice to fly it, but I can't just afford it at this point of time as I've spent too much money recently - darn!

In any event, as today marked the first of all events for the holiday season, more like study season for me, but heck; my friends and I went for out for dinner. Little did we realize that each and everyone of us ordered a pork dish and I had a whole knuckle for myself. I felt like a pig eating it. It was so huge. But the crispy skin and tender meat which was just mouth watering went well with the beer I had . I'm still so filled up from dinner now. The size of the knuckle and the amout of meat on it allowed me to fulfill my annual babi quota!

Season's Greetings everyone. Have a Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!! Happy holidays.

Fuck Relationships!

Getting into a relationship is nothing but preparing yourself for a heartbreak! 

It's just another piece of shit that would left you wet and cold under the rain at a point of time without fail

My brother called me this afternoon. From the tone of his voice, I knew that he wasn't well. And when I asked him if he was okay, he just said that he was down with a cold - bugger! must have been playing in the snow. He was anything but okay, from the voice you could have easily figured that he had been awake for long hours and prolly shedding a tear or two. 

I've not spoken to him for long over the phone. We do communicate and keep in touch, but it's limited to IM, Whatsapp and also the occasional test messages or even emails. But today, he gave me a call instead. The last I spoke to him was after my fallout with my mother last year and I knew since that things would be different between us as we had very different views about the whole situation. But today, I got my brother back. Though not the way I wanted it, but it was nice of him to call and talk, like how things used to be before the whole fiasco with my mother.

After some pep talk and sorting out what was needed, he just started opening up. He had known his girlfriend for seventeen fucking years now and they have been going out for almost fifteen years. They have been in fact living together for about ten years.Over time, like in any other relationship, there had been up and downs but things were always worked out in a civilized manner. Back in 2007, when I was backpacking Western Europe and had England as my final league to spend time with them before returning to Malaysia, I found out that she was cheating on him. I did try to let him know about it, but he refused to hear anything that I had to say. It went to a stage where i told him that she was in only for his money and nothing else, but my brother just wouldn't listen and things got ugly between us for a while. And since I did not want to lose him as a brother, I did apologize though it wasn't a sincere one.

Anyways, when he called me earlier, he told me that she has told him that there isn't anything left between them anymore and she moved out. She is now seeing  a 25 year old guy, someone who is approximately 10 years younger then her. I know the whole age is a number crap, but seriously, how the fuck is this going to work? I knew what I was thinking about daily when I was 25.

Consoling my brother is one thing, though the roots is so deep, but things could be worked out. The bigger challenge I have now is he will tell this to my mother. And she would take this over with her boyfriend (maybe husband now, I do not know) and he is the culprit for the whole thing. I know this for a fact, but I can't make my brother see things from my point of view. Our age gap is too far apart and we view things differently.

Thankfully I'm on leave next week. I now need to try to get tickets and go spend Christmas with him. He doesn't deserve to be alone. Not at this time of the year. I hope  my winter clothes still fit and there are tickets available though it's going to be sky high.

Broke Dick

When I woke up yesterday and felt a tingle down my throat, I knew the worst is yet to come. By evening, it was beginning to show the common symptoms. And by the time it was for the vampires to come out and play, I was already coughing like my lungs were going to come out and the fever kicked in.

Being stubborn and not wanting to be a pill popper as I usually do, I put up a brave front and was enduring the crap that was written by some of my groupies for my term paper which was due this evening. Reading whatever written with all the wrong citations, I was just getting worse by the minute. Soon, the words on my faithful lappy screen were beginning to do the Salsa if not Tango.

I was editing and compiling all the individual contributions which were utterly useless until one of my friends decided to IM me and ask what the fuck I was doing being awake at post three in the morning. He then had to chat me up and make an offer to cam whore of by which it was quite difficult to turn down the offer. Eagerly, like a excited puppy, quickly was trying to shut down everything and sign into my Skype account when I could not recall the damn password. What the fuck!

After a while of trying very hard to recall the password which wasn't easy consider most of the blood was flowing downstream, I just reset my password and got signed in to being a whore. Gosh, I should really stop being such a horny bastard.

I finally hit the bed around five in the morning only to wake up again at around seven as I had an interview lined up this morning. And when I was finally managed to wake up, I was down. I'm now coughing like there isn't a tomorrow and the intermittent fever is making things worse. Fuck, the whole body is aching like I've just gotten bashed up.

I went to the doctors office later in the afternoon after my interview only to be told by the freaking doctor that I need a whole array of colorful pills to pop but I do not require an MC since I'm not sick. Like seriously, what the fuck is that?!

It's less than a week to Christmas now. Having my exams just the week after and not making any holiday plans is bad enough, but to put up with this cough and fever; it just isn't what I signed up for. I hope to get better by Friday as that's when all the dinners and parties begin. Not to forget that I've to be studying too and this Friday would officially be the last working day for the year. Woohoo!!

But for now, It's time to rattle up like an empty bottle and hopefully I'll be off the hook tomorrow.

P/S: broke dick stands for an injured soldier, according to my Marine friend. :)

Managing Expectations

Singapore Airlines (SQ), I've to say, is the master in class to manage its passengers expectations. You would not really notice this if it's the coach seat you're travelling on, but once you have either a business or first class ticket on hand, it's a different story all together. They actually start pampering you right before you fly and it never fails to amaze me how the steward(ess) manages to remember you by the first name when you're seating in front. They keep their competitors at bay and it's quite a safe bet to say that no other airline comes close in regards to this. Even Emirates, Qatar, Qantas and Cathay, including Thai have not lived up to the expectations after being spoilt by SQ. Let's not even bother with Malaysian Airlines or British Airways for that matter. It's a well played psychological game that SQ has against their competitors; they just set the bar so high that others never fail to just pass underneath it without much issues. And this is solely because of how they manage the expectations of their passengers.

And, managing expectations is exactly what I tried doing with my finance lecturer. I was chatting with him once after class before my mid-term test, while on the way from the lecture hall to the car park. We were just touching base on many issues, and like most other people, he too had the same impression that I'm either not local or just spent too much time abroad. And, he thought that I just graduated like a year or two ago. Damn! I should really be grateful to my natural younger looking me..LOLz. 

Anyways, the one thing that I wanted to make clear was that I'm not from an accounting or finance background, since there are cattle loads of them in my class and that I needed him to get a little more thorough whilst explaining especially when using terms that even those who design space shuttles would not have heard off.

That went on well, well until at least last night. The mid term test results were out while I was wasting my time in KL on a week long business trip. He did email the results out prior to sharing them with the class for verification which I missed. During this time, a course-mate helped check my marks on behalf and this is what led to last nights conversation. My course-mate told me that I got a different mark from what I was emailed. So, I went up to him wanting to verify to or rather what is the actual score that I obtained. Little did I know, there were quite a number of people behind me and when I was talking to him about my marks, he went on like you got 80, you're the second highest in the class and there was one other girl that got a 85, I'm very sure about it. Are you sure you're not from an accounting background? 

Immediately, I heard people bitching about it behind, one went to lament on me wanting to show off my marks, hence asking him if I could just verify. Like WTF people, go get a life. 

If anything, I think there is a mistake in him marking my paper cause I don't think I deserve to pass the paper. Those who are close knows how unprepared I was and how happy were the butterflies in my tummy that day.

In any event, my lecturer now has high expectations from me for his paper. This is so not good for me cause I'm really struggling, not knowing half of the things that is going on in class, coupled with the lack of hours to invest in studying, is just making matters worse. I submitted my term paper yesterday and I've got a case study due this Thursday, I very well know that the bar is set high and a lot of eyes will be upon me. I don't need this kind of stress.

Aaargh! I failed at managing expectations. I should have joined SQ and be part of their workforce to better learn this trait. 

It actually doesn't sound like a very bad idea, I could finally do my Singapore - New York on-board the A346 all business class plane an be pampered and treated like a prince at really discounted rates, if not free. LOLz

When Small Gets Large

Most of the people who meet me says that I desperately need more mass. Me on the other hand, thinks otherwise as I like the slender figure. Plus with the fact that I'm a small eater, I have successfully maintained my rather small built with the few exceptional cases of adding some holiday weight.  

Over the last couple of months, I have been very busy with work and juggling studying has taken up most of my lunch time. I could safely say that I only have lunch twice a week on average while breakfast is mostly limited to coffee over the counter. Left with only one meal a day which most often than not is salad, I've not realized how much this has affected me. Plus, with the regular jogs and not so regular working out, I'm burning most of the left over fat in me leaving just the leaner me behind...damn, I should be looking younger sooner.

I've come to realize off late that most of my pants were beginning to feel a little loose and some of the shirts weren't falling nicely anymore. I wasn't giving much attention to it, thinking its time to go shopping once more as the clothes are beginning to age. This morning however, while I was having breakfast with my uncle (one of those extremely rare and awkward occasions), he mentioned that my shirt looked extremely big for me and that it looked ugly. Sad, and knowing how vain I could be at times, I quickly hopped away to find me a mirror large enough to check me out and yes, I've shrunk! Unsatisfied, I went finding for a weighing scale to hop on it and I'm like fifty kilograms!

Buying new clothes is not a bad thing, but when you're already wearing S and it's too big, whats next? I was talking to a friend and he told me to check on the slim fit, body clinging cuts so I could fit the nicely, but I hate those - it's so yucky and looks a tad too feminine, in my opinion. But sigh, I guess I have not much of a choice; its either that or trying out kid sizes.

AV

Exchanging hard disk content is really a norm among my friends and I. We always exchange content whenever we meet up and someone has something new or thinks it's worth to share which is normally a monthly routine. Me being me, I normally end just being the collector or the mediator as I hardly download media files, minus the few rare occasion of streaming movies or series online to watch when I can find the spare time. Most often than not, the movies or series are always caught up while spending a lazy weekend afternoon at a friend's for a get together.

Anyways, one of my friends shared a whole folder of files with me quite recently and since I've been really busy, I did not even take notice of the content of the file. Whenever he asked me if I'd had a look at the content, my answer would be nope, haven't had a chance. This went on for a while and I guess my friend got tired of asking me as well and the matter was left to rest after a while.

Last night, after coming back from dinner, I was messing around with my lappy with it being connected to my LCD as an extended the screen to the full view of anyone present then. When looking around, I found a rather unusual folder on my desktop which I hardly access to and when I got into the folder, there was a long list of media files with rather common titles except for one - AV.

Curious, I clicked into that folder and found myself having a library load of porn. There was at least a hundred different files sitting in that folder which I had no idea off. I had so many times traveled with my lappy passing through customs and what not and thankfully I was never been suspected for anything and my hard disk content being scanned for. Imagine the shit that I would have been subjected to for owning porn in this forsaken country.

Since the discovery happened while my idiotic friend, the mrs, was around, there was another series of drama going on between me and him

pervert!

what the fuck?!

you've got porn on your hard drive

so? besides i never knew...

that's gross!

explain..like you never watch.

i don't

liar!

i don't watch porn in front of others

it isn't the point we are talking about now. you called me a perv coz i had files. i am not watching them right now.

still it's gross and sick

fuck off! i knew what you had on your lappy right through uni and, remember the projectile lessons and the stains on the wall?? ..we knew what was going on in the room dude! hahahaha...anyways, if u want them, pass me your hard disk, i'll transfer.

don't have it with me now...

looks who's the perv now - perv!

So, there we go, I had a whole stash of porn with me and never knew until last night. Lucky, never got busted before, else it would have been so sickening to deal with the authorities.

And, I always prefer making porn than watching them!

Weekend - Stay Away!

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm not looking forward for the weekend :(

I've got two term papers that I need to work on which is due for the week, another presentation which needs to be set for the week after, my finals are in lesser than a month and work is piling up. I also have a few errants that I've got to run by - the price to pay for not being around for more than a week plus, my house looks like a pig's sty. In addition, the Mrs is coming down this weekend.

He appeared on MSN for a while last night, and this is what happened between him and me then

hey

hey..ssup?

i'm craving for oyster omelette

nice to have them with booze

so, make sure we go to such places

ok..what else u craving for dear?

me cumming in your mouth

n?

it will be nice if you can take 'em all

bring it on bitch..see if you can handle :P

anyways, we go to pg if like that

the oyster omlette in kimberly st

or the one in sunshine sq market is nice too

oyters in pg??

oh, i never knew that

sunshine sq near bayan lepas??

yea..in the market

hey, no

i'm stopping in butterworth

ello...ur coming up to pg

same state!

ok, if you put it that way (damn..i so feel like slapping him d)

besides, it's only a bridge away

:D

and here is what I've been waiting for a long time

n i get to drive u across the bridge, witnessing the sunset....how romantic

screw you!

It's just so nice to screw a straight boy who is confused, or almost confused himself...

One more day, before this continues non stop until Monday. 

Satan, I need strength!

Personal Hygiene

I was in KL the weekend before and last week for work; decided to go out and have ONS just for a change from the routine of not doing that since I last to a pledge to no more ONS with a friend who was worried of me contracting some kind of STD. After three nights in a row, I told myself that I've to call it quits since I was beginning to feel disgusted.

And, I did not stop because of anything other than I got sick of the lack of personal hygiene. Well, most local guys in this land are for some reason uncut, me included. But that does not give you the reason to not keep clean. For heaven's sake, if you have a bloody foreskin, clean it! 

It's not a fucking difficult thing to do, just retract your foreskin while under the shower and clean the smegma off. Like how much a chore is that? I know that it keeps the glands moist and facilitates sexual intercourse by acting as a lubricant, but hey, it isn't nice if it's left to accumulate under the foreskin and it freaking smells! It is definitely not a plus a point to have it under your foreskin. 

Learn from the Jews, if you're to lazy to clean it on a daily basis; go get circumcised! 

And yea, a trimmed bush is so much more neater than a full one, and it makes your endowment to look bigger. 

Keep the lawn mowed mister! 

Pubic hair in your mouth during a blowjob is a big NO NO, not at least for me...

Tuesday Gone Wrong

I so feel like I woke up from the wrong side of the bed. 

As I was brushing my teeth this morning I realized that I had forgotten to get replacement cartridges for my razor. So, I went to work with a stubby face - scratched all day long like a monkey due to the itch. 

Then, as i drove out of my apartment's service road joining onto the main road, I did not notice that some MOFO left some debris at the corner of the road which painfully hurt my Suzi. She has a dent on her now, just below the front passenger door. I feel so painful!

I accidentally dropped my lighter while walking to the coffee shop from the car park for lunch with one of my friends. And when I bend down to pick it up, my shades fell off - only god knows how the fuck that happened! And now, my Ray-Ban has a tiny little scratch!

For some weird reason, I could not connect to my VPN in the office after lunch. This made me paralyze as I could not access my emails on my lappy, thus making work which is already a challenge by itself under normal circumstances an impossible mission to complete!

On my way back, while at the toll booth of the ever famous Penang bridge, I realized that I left my Touch'N'Go card at home; had to pay seven freaking ringgit to cross the bloody bridge which for some odd reason hasn't ceased collecting toll since it was built, being one of the most successful highways, or should I say blood sucking mechanism of the government to feed their cronies. I really wonder where does all the money from the collection go to!

Since I wasn't around pretty much for the whole of last week, I decided to drop by my grandmother's place to take a peak on her. More like assessing the situation since the maid is almost a month old now, and that, was by far the biggest mistake of the day! 

If only had I decided not to visit her today, I would have also saved seven bucks! 

The choices we make on a bad day....

My manager would be around tomorrow onwards for the rest of the week!

And oh, the Mrs called this afternoon to confirm that he'd be around for the weekend. I've got due dates and pre-planned programs for the weekend. It all needs rescheduling now!  Aargh!!!!

After A Decade

Both my childhood friend and an ex-colleague called me in like forty seconds interval asking me where would I be freezing or basking my butt off this Christmas. It is normally the time of the year when I would get my leave approved in my previous company and also the best chance for all my mates to meet before we started working thus making holiday plans sound like a feasible idea though you have to bare with overpriced air fares, hotel rooms and families flying like herds of cattle heading home for the holidays.

When both asked me where was my destination this year and I said none in particular, they were both shocked in disbelief that I would finally be around for Christmas after ten long years. One immediately went like eh, can you please go somewhere ah? If you're around, I'd lose the bet lah...I can sponsor you somewhere near as long as it isn't over the amount bet. And I was like ....kanasai you flers, bet on me to not be around. Dunno how to plan to make me stay, but instead bet that I'd be away!

As I was driving to class after work, I was just thinking of what I should be doing this Christmas and New Year stretch - nothing came to mind. I am just not in the mood. I turned down my friend who asked me to go shop for a tree together for my place and have it decorated, I politely declined the other for a Christmas eve dinner after getting to know that there is money on stake about my presence during the holiday season. For some odd reason, I just don't feel the holiday season coming and I did not even bother to apply for leave. I am going to work until the twenty third and back to the office on the twenty seventh. I find it hard to believe that it's me doing this since I'd normally start planning my holidays as early as June. 

So here it is, I will most likely be spending Christmas alone doing nothing other than studying for my exams which would be around the corner. And, I'm not even feeling a tad sad about it. 

Something is so not right with me. Where's the spirit??

Oh wait, I just remembered, the Mrs called the other day and made it very clear that we're going on a holiday then. No wonder I've lost the holiday spirit.

I should have a holiday plan now, should't I....

But then again, I can't be mean towards him. And, the place he wants to go would be a nice spot to ogle and treat my eyes..LOLz

Drawing Lines

Knowing when to shut up is important. This is more of a fact rather than an opinion, especially when you work in organizations that have people who bitch like there is no tomorrow. I remember reading a proverb somewhere a long time ago, speak when you're spoken to.

But where do you draw the line when it comes to someone close to you, who isn't in any way related to work? 

Recently, someone I know is going through some pretty tough times. Starting life in a new place is no easy task, it can really put a massive toll on you. Being away from people close to you, getting used to a whole new system, learning the culture and blending in, among others - is no easy task. And the magnitude amplifies when if you have a shaky relationship or things aren't going as planned. The emotional toll could just be so great that it could drive you to the point of insanity.

I see this person doing almost the same mistakes as I did, and it's very hard for me to keep my mouth shut as I'm person who speaks my mind out. It's just so difficult to know where to draw the line and keep things at peace. I've tried talking and sharing my opinion and experiences that came along from the decisions I took when I was in the similar situation. but this person fails to see my point of view. When I talk to this person, it is quite clear that the emotional stress is clouding the judgement capabilities.

Based on the current situation, I dare not advice further as it may damage the friendship we have.On the other hand, by keeping quiet I can, to a certain degree, anticipate what is going to happen next. Drawing the line in this case is very important, but where to draw the line is the question now. I so hate being in such situations. Aaargh!

Birthdays

I was never a person who really enjoys birthday celebrations. I could never comprehend why would someone want to celebrate being older by a whole year. I always made it clear that I do not want anyone to do anything for me on birthdays, so it's always a low key event where close friends just get together for dinner and maybe a drink or two.

The other day, my god son turned a year old and my friend, who is the father insisted that I would make it. So, despite the temptations of partying, I had to make myself available for the dinner-cum-celebration. Since the location and I was supposed to be wasn't all that far from downtown KL, I decided to make it for dinner, and then go out clubbing and back again, hoping to be sober later in the night as there were some things that needed discussion.

So, here I was witnessing the whole birthday fiasco feeling entirely out of place at since I don't normally socialize well in family oriented event, I just had a whole new perspective and reflections as to why some people celebrate birthdays. in this case, it was more of celebrating a year of this kid. The journey he has gone through and experienced gained over the course of three hundred and sixty five days. It's incredible how fast kids grow and despite the fact of meeting him every quarter, he looks so grown and different every time I meet him.

And another thing that took me by surprise, this little boy made me carry him all evening. One thing that I don't normally do. In fact, he was the first baby I ever carried, lifted from his cod and tapped him to sleep as well.

As much as I think children are pesky , this one is one exception and somehow I kinda like him...

Not a bad thing to reflect on a Monday afternoon and yea, I did meet an online friend as well earlier for coffee. Interesting character he is...

Yippie..It's a Friday!

Friday is finally here; had a tiff with the prick earlier this morning. I'm sure he is going to come back to me with something stronger. Let's just let nature takes its course.

Anyways, I'm off to KL tomorrow for a week, for work sadly. I really do not like working in KL simply because of the rush hour traffic that I need to put up with. Working long hours as well will simply make me so tired at the end of the day and I won't really have the energy to go out and about. Sigh.

Since I'm pretty stressed out this time around, I am having a good mind to go out and pick up some random guys on a nightly basis. So let the party begin!

Bastard Bitch

Respect is something that you should earn and not demand for, this is my thoughts to it ever since a kid. I've come across many people who always demand to be respected simply because they are elder which I completely disagree with. You actions and reactions portray who you are, it's your identity. Demanding for something that isn't rightfully yours and instilling fear constantly is what I perceive as blackmail.

Demanding for respect due to age, power and status is something very much in the norm in Asia, especially here in Malaysia. And, I found this to be true when I was doing some random reading on Hofstede and his theory. This is one country which has the highest level of power distance and this has since been displayed by a prick in my office.

He expects and demands people to respect, more like treat him like god, simply because of his position. Me on the other hand, with my personal views could not be bothered to give him a rats ass about what he expects. And this has led to much issues between us. Never would you instill fear in me nor would you be able to demand something that I'm not prepared to give you. I'd continue doing my work, under my scope, but nothing more and neither will I give you the respect you want because you don't deserve it.

The thing you failed to realize sitting in your position is dealing and interacting with people. Everyone has their own perception about matters to whom it'll most likely be defined as reality in his world. And for those who know me well enough, no one would disagree that I'm a stubborn person. I don't give in when I'm not wrong, and neither will I apologize for a mistake not done by me.

The prick has since very well known that he can't shake me, so now he has resorted to intimidating my staff - bad move dude. I will not keep quiet when anyone threatens or scolds my staff without talking to me first. They work with me, I care for their welfare. Do not step on them!

Now that you have decided to play with fire, I hope you have an insurance policy that is going to cover you against burns. Its either you or my team. May the best man win.

Do not forget, we're both in an American company, not a local one. This is my stronghold, not yours; you have a Japanese background, the rules are different mister.

Bring it on asshole, give me your best shot! 

Don't run when I strike back as there is no place that you can go to seek shelter.

What The F!

Seriously, What the FUCK?!

I'm supposed to be in KL all of next week for a course which I already dread, just by the thought of it. The rush hour traffic and how those people in Kayu Land drive - Aargh!

What got me agitated further was my manager. See, the company I work for has an event, team building if not wrong, in Saturday week. And my course ends on Friday week. So, when I did my travel plans submission, I requested to be booked into a hotel from Monday right through Saturday. 

My plan was rejected by my immediate manager telling me that it's not possible for me to spend the night in KL on Friday as my course finishes on Friday evening while the event only happens on Saturday. Therefore, it is not justified. His suggestion was for me to drive back all the way north back to Penang on Friday evening, only to come back again to KL on Saturday afternoon. Like - What the FUCK?!!

Where is the sense of logic on this? Firstly, I will not subject myself to such levels of stress. Do you know what would be the travel distance that I would do over a period of twenty-four hours? It's like a thousand plus kilometers you moron! Not only would my body take a beating, but my poor Suzi would be exhausted as well, not to mention how I push her to the limits every time I'm on the highway.

And yeah, should you do the maths, you'd realize that it's cheaper for me to spend a night in a hotel rather than to be driving up and down the highway. Call yourself an accountant by qualification. What the FUCK!!

The Mrs.

And I wonder why I still haven't slapped him but still tolerate everything that comes along the way.
I guess that's the friendship we have; getting on each others nerve, in a nice way...

hey dude
what's up?
saw your text
you sent me a text??
saw your online msn text
oh ya...shit happens
wanna share?
yea..would you be in KL this saturday?
most likely..do confirm with me again lansi or not? - kanasai
by when would you know if you'd be around or not?
thursday. i have inventory issues, my production is running out of stock. i might need to go up north, if i can confirm got udang hiding behind the batu here...
oh...when do you plan to come?
will you be free to entertain me? =.= do i look like an entertainer ah??
knowing you mba plan now  wah...eh since when you became so considerate ah??
dude, your welcome anytime. i'll make time for you   biggest mistake a guy could ever do, but no choice, have to be nice, else will kena some more
okay look, i do need a time off now, things at work are dementing my mind. i'm thinking about coming week or next week, that is, if okay with you
this coming weekend??
i was wanting to get off as well
i shall prolly leave saturday afternoon, after work
i need a change of environment as well.. i'm at my limits
okay, so this coming week you're tight right?
i was planning of going down to KL, spend saturday with you if you're free
oh please, i'm dying to leave this place
and then i was thinking of heading south and relaxing for the weekend, maybe include a food trip to malacca
i was at SG a couple of weeks ago, didn't enjoy it
SG is not a place i want to go if i want to wind off...
wedding
worse..lolz
crap
so yea, if you want to come down this weekend
okay, i'll let you know my schedule soon wah, so fast jump on the opportunity. i haven't completed typing as well
i don't want to spend it in PG. i need a change too, we could go somewhere else. away from civilization would be nice
like? Grrr...you never listen to me earlier ah?? i said i want to head south - malacca dude, malacca...the food is calling
i've no idea just yet.... loosing my patience d....but i want to go somewhere i can relax oogling at cute boys would be nice i just need to get away
me too
and i can't get away being in PG
i'm thinking of smoking and drinking at your place
...... aaargh i give up, now i know why married men get stressed more and wish they die sooner compared to single men


Now, I do not know what is going to happen this coming weekend. And I'm frustrated.....Aargh!!!!!

Unhealed Wound

I have so many things in my mind, thing that I want to spill out, but I just don't know where and how to begin. The only thing that is very clear in my mind now is my last conversation with you on the 29th of April 2010, it still feels like it only happen yesterday though it been more than 18 months now. Your last words to me before you decided to disappear, it's not you, it's me, still lingers in my head and no matter how hard I try, I can't get it go.

Hope was I had to pull me through, and when I realized that it was fading away and the pain was too much to bear, I got myself so busy and occupied with work and stuff just so I don't think of you. It wasn't easy but somehow I managed to suppressed the feeling of emptiness within me after you left, so I thought.

Never did I realize that I was just avoiding my true emotions. The last week had been hard on me, really hard with so much to cope and it was at this point that I realized how much do I still miss and love you. I spent last night staring blankly at my ceiling, wishing that you were right next to me or at least be able to hear you as you always comforted me when I needed it and gave me courage and strength when I was weak.

There is so much more I want to write, things that I've been holding up all these while as I need to get it out, but I just don't have the energy to do it now. I can't go on further, I've already got tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm going to take a long drive. I feel broken...

I just am lost for words, something that doesn't happen all that often...

The Value of Silence

I'm just not in the mood today. 

For one, I've got a stupid headache since I woke up this morning, making studying for tomorrow's paper a worse uphill task when no one knows exactly what are the chapters that would be covered. 

In addition, while I was trying to nap this afternoon, my phone was ringing non-stop with people asking me stupid, and when I say stupid, I mean its fucking dumb right stupid questions! Like can't you go figure yourself?! 

Later, when I went for a jog I kind of tripped and just hurt myself, but it wasn't anything serious, thankfully. Though i would not have mind a fractured limb and some extended medical leave as I don't have to go back to work. And speaking about work, since when should you be pressured to make donations for people you never knew existed in the first place? I know i don't work in the main office, but at least show face a bit lah whenever I go down. Now, that when you want help, you indirectly apply pressure for help. This is so stupid, and the level of stupidity for this is the same as when you are forced to share for presents for so called colleagues for their birthdays or other stupid reasons. Like fuck off man! I don't give a rat's ass for my colleagues, you are nine to five only! Get it! It's a different story if we hang out after working hours, then there is more than a colleague relationship. But for those who don't fall in that category. Sorry, but this is how I function. Like it or not, live with it!

And yea, this is what got me to rant today actually, see, seasoning is used sparingly in any kind of cooking. They are generally used to enhance the flavor of the overall dish. And when you use too much of it, the overly present salt and pepper will tend to dominate thus spoiling the natural flavors of the main ingredient itself. To sum, it's used to complement, and not as a stand alone. 

So, at times, you say it best when you say nothing at all....

Ramblings

Overworked, underpaid, tests, assignments, deadlines,lack of sleep, inadequate amounts of Ben 10 and Sponge Bob plus extended droughts make the perfect combination for a break down. The amount of toll I subjected myself too was just unbearable anymore. I could feel my body shutting down and wanting to go into an ultra long hibernate mode. With two tests this week, I just could afford that to happen.

On Sunday evening, I could just feel my entire body tightening up, the muscles were all like beginning to lock itself up and I had to do something about it. So, I called my regular masseur and ask him for an almost immediate appointment,  but unfortunately for me, he wasn't in town. Lucky though, he asked me to contact another friend of his who was available for a session that evening. 

After a massage that felt almost forever, I could feel my body loosening up - finally! The masseur was good, like really seriously damn good. And it was the first time I agreed for an out call massage as I don't normally like strangers coming over -  imagine the anxiety. He worked on my shoulder blades and lower back and every time he asked me if the amount of pressure applied was okay, I was like "I don't feel a thing". This is how bad I was.

After a very relaxing massage, which I wished didn't have to end, I was just chatting with the masseur over some tea that I got from Vietnam the last time around I was there. As we were talking and getting to know each other, he then told me somewhere along the dotted lines that I've got a lot of sexual frustration pent up. And did advice me to channel it properly else I would end up running in circles very often. LOLz!

So here's the thing, firstly, I've told myself no more one night stands - the slut-ing days are way over. Secondly, I don't really like Penang guys though I live here; which means a close to zero probability that I'll hook up with anyone given the benefit that I would forego my stand of no more one night stands. Third, with such a busy schedule, I don't even have that much time left to socialize, how on earth am I going to go out and get lucky. Due to my studies, I'm not in a favorable position to leave this state anytime soon and I don't really want to contemplate the thought of securing a new job. Adaptation would take a while and what if i'm not happy with the new environment, not like the current is any good, but....sigh...

Anyways, I slept like a baby that night, woke up really late yesterday, studied for a while and continued sleeping once more. I woke up just on time to go for my test, had a writing marathon for the test. I mean, who asks for five essay questions to be in answered in two and a half hours? Came back, replied a few emails and slept again.

Now I've to prepare for my finance paper this Thursday. A food trip to Malacca for the weekend seems to be a very sensible idea at this moment.

On another note, my big brother, Calvin, told me that I'm the third person on his roll that is using the date as a title and would very well be the second to use posting number if I decided to do that, I'll therefore go back to non sense making titles 'til I figure out a much lazier option for a title.

Frustrated

I am so bloody frustrated!

Aaaarggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's like I can't register anything in my head. I just get blank once I close my books and my test is tomorrow. Why can't I register whatever I study?!

In addition to that, I've got so many pending things to do and why can't people understand that if you're on leave, bloody leave the person alone. Why do you approve my leave and then still expect me to support?

It's gotten so bad that I'm getting nightmares every night when I sleep that I'm failing my papers. And it wakes me up in the middle of the night and I can't go back to sleep again for hours. And the fucking weather is so hot that it's only making things worst!

I'm becoming such a bitch and its only mid semester! Aaargh!!!!

11.12.11: Twist Twist

Yesterday was a day filled with a lot of unexpected events.

Firstly, there were like three hot guys at the place where I normally go for my jogs. For a place that's normally filled with uncles, it was such a retreat. 

The first guy who was jogging was such a pleasing eye-candy. Better, he had a tattoo on his right arm. Height to body weight ratio also just nice. Yum! 

The second guy was not as hot as the first guy, but still pleasant to the eye, no body art though. 

Sadly though, these two were jogging in the opposite direction, so it was only limited to a very few precious seconds of treats.

The third guy, had the stamina of a stallion - damn! I could not keep up with him for long.  But the view of  him jogging (more like running) in front of me was hmmm....nice. Gosh I'm sounding like a whore in my head now. I guess it's due to the extended drought. Anyways, I think he was like with some uniform body as he was going and going like an energizer bunny - fit,fast,hot,nice tanned skin: killer combination wei!

Later in the evening, when I was about to get into a very healthy family debate with my grandmother about her daughter, my childhood friend called me at the right time, like it was god sent. The conversation went on something like this:

Hey, whatsup?

Where are you?

Penang lah

Where in Penang?

At home...

What are you doing?

Nothing important

Good, let's go Ferringhi and buy DVD's

Now?? Okay lah...you come fetch me

Okay, I'm two blocks away from your grandma's place. See you in five

Ah? Not so soon lah, I need to change my clothes. Give me ten

No need lah, you won't look any nicer anyways, just come out

=.= 

I'm only wearing my boxers and singlet lah. Cannot go out like this...

KK...hurry up!

K...

Later, in the car while we were driving, she went on with another thing that got me speechless...

Oh ya, my mother said...

Your mother talked about me???

Ya, she said you chose the wrong career...

Huh? Why? What made her say that?

She said you should have considered to become a radio deejay

WHAT??? Why on earth? <almost got heart attack in the car>

She said you have a composed and nice voice over the phone...

Hmm...when did your mom talk to me over the phone ah? <syok sendiri already at this stage, got admirer wei>

The other day when you called my house lah...

Oh, that was your mother ah? I thought was your sister...lolz

=.=

After our DVD shopping, we decided to stop by Straits Quay for a drink before heading home. While deciding which joint to spend my money in and avoiding kids who dress like grown-ups and patronize the place trying to look flashy, I saw this ad at one of the joints offering almost all drinks at RM 11.00 nett in-conjunction with the 11/11/2011. So that made the deciding easier and it was bottled Horgaarden all night long for only eleven bucks per bottle.

While enjoying our drinks with the occasional rain water hitting our faces, depending on the wind direction, I bumped into one of my ex, whose a friend of my friend. She ( yes, I did date girls when I was still not being sure of myself and experimenting) was so annoying, like can't you get over and grow up? It's been so long since we broke up. She was so annoying! What a bitch!

Anyways, when were we almost done with the drinks, another mutual friend of ours called and ask for supper. From Straits Quay all the way to Pekaka just to have nasi lemak with fried chicken at one in the morning. Talk about being unhealthy! 

And we were talking cock all the way until almost four in the morning only to come back and try to sleep when my grandmother woke me up so freaking early as she wanted to go out. Aargh!

I don't have enough sleep and and there is a MOFO is drilling his fucking house non-stop since this morning. It's causing my head to feel like it's about to split open and my grandmother's maid (technically mine) just arrived today and that's a whole day of drama.

I'm really getting nervous and stressed about my test and when I don't have enough sleep, I just get so cranky. Aaaarrrrgh!!!!

11.11.11

Numerology is something really I'm not into.  I could never understand all the hype about special dates where endless amount of couples would queue up to solemnize their weddings. I mean, it's just another day on the calendar. The one thing I do admire on the guys who successfully get their other half (or should I say halves) to agree to such a date is pretty smooth, like how can you then forget your anniversary right? But then again, if you forget, sorry brother, may god have mercy on your poor soul. Even Satan himself would raise a white flag...lolz

Dates being one, the other interesting or fun fact (for me, at least) is the number it self. Like how many people out there actually believe that if you buy a certain numbered house, then you'd be having endless amount of luck. So, all you flers who didn't buy your house or lease one with your lucky number, beware - the robber is going to visit you one of these days.

Car registration plates is interesting too. Some people out there spend thousands on buying a certain number. Okay, I've to admit that I'm somewhat guilty as well here. When i got my current Suzi, I wanted a certain series of  numbers to be reflected on her registration plate, but it wasn't a pre-calculated lucky number. I still remember when I got my first car though, some many years ago, my grandmother's friend was so persistent that I should get my car registration number to be a lucky number. She was so into it that she forced me to follow her to those fortune tellers who not only spoke in some language audible to only a select few, but also sucked a fortune out of me (student days, so any money was a fortune..lolz) and get my series of lucky number. Funny thing is, the lucky number can be negotiated accordingly to what JPJ has to offer. Funny right?! Better still, after going through all the hassle with the priest and paying even more money to JPJ to have that particular registration, my car got crashed into in less than five kilometers away from the showroom. I was like what the fuck?! How can a car with my lucky number be so unlucky??? After that, all the taunters were like this is lucky number, must buy number today. =.= 

Anyhow, since I'm too lazy to always think of the appropriate title for my rants, I an going to give them the posting dates as their titles moving forward. Talk about laziness. Okay, somebody please stop time! I've to study.

Or maybe, I should just inform my lecturers that the dates they chose for the test isn't lucky, we need a later, I mean luckier, date...

Grrrr.....

My brother decided to whatsapp me yesterday and we had such an lovely conversation...

Hellooo bro, how's the engine today? Still steaming or cooled down??

Hahaha...I don't appreciate sarcasm...Lolz

Hahahaha...well, sports model like you are always on the run, a family 4x4 like me has to be there taking the beating and slowing down :) : ) : )

Missing you since I came back!!

Yaya...sponsor me tickets lah, then u can see my face...lolz

When you free lah?? Tell me so I can arrange the tickets for you. Always nice to have you around...

Hahahahaha....after my exams lah; 2nd half of Jan. Biz class tickets can ah??? SQ or EK should be fine, I'm not fussy..lolz

...

So how?? Shall I start planning how I'd be spending my time??

You're not going to spend time chillaxing with me and xxx??

Actually rite, I was thinking, since I know the roads in London better than KL, maybe Prague or Amsterdam would be nicer. I wouldn't mind to settle for Istanbul or even Nairobi :))

Oi!!! Where is my reply lah?? Give me false hope only, now I'm depressed...

I need a holiday. Moscow anyone??

      

      

I should start saving...