Unhealed Wound

I have so many things in my mind, thing that I want to spill out, but I just don't know where and how to begin. The only thing that is very clear in my mind now is my last conversation with you on the 29th of April 2010, it still feels like it only happen yesterday though it been more than 18 months now. Your last words to me before you decided to disappear, it's not you, it's me, still lingers in my head and no matter how hard I try, I can't get it go.

Hope was I had to pull me through, and when I realized that it was fading away and the pain was too much to bear, I got myself so busy and occupied with work and stuff just so I don't think of you. It wasn't easy but somehow I managed to suppressed the feeling of emptiness within me after you left, so I thought.

Never did I realize that I was just avoiding my true emotions. The last week had been hard on me, really hard with so much to cope and it was at this point that I realized how much do I still miss and love you. I spent last night staring blankly at my ceiling, wishing that you were right next to me or at least be able to hear you as you always comforted me when I needed it and gave me courage and strength when I was weak.

There is so much more I want to write, things that I've been holding up all these while as I need to get it out, but I just don't have the energy to do it now. I can't go on further, I've already got tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm going to take a long drive. I feel broken...

I just am lost for words, something that doesn't happen all that often...