Tired..

Wednesday is finally over and I'm worn out already This week has been quite an uphill challenge since I had a test earlier. Preparing for the test brought out the worst in me. My brother witnessed my black face this morning after a very long time. My grandmother realized that I haven't change and would not take anything that I'm not happy with for an answer and my maid, got a piece of my mind for the first time. I guess it wasn't good to hold up so many things for such a long time. My friend too noticed I was on the verge of exploding when I had an argument with an asshole over a parking lot during lunch.

I'm just so glad that the paper is over now, I guess this is what inadequate preparation does to you. I do feel somewhat lucky though that my current manager allowed me to have the day off to study despite the fact than I'm less than a month old in my current company.

I was talking to him earlier and he'd too noticed the difference in my pre and post test. He said I sounded more relaxed after the paper. I never knew I was that transparent.

Anyways, I'm just relieved that the paper is over for now, at least I can have a good rest tonight and the weekend is closer. I've got a date with him for a movie on Friday and that's keeping me looking forward.

Had a fun chat with mOnkeybOy and this person who calls me Rugrat. I shall get him a name soon. I'm now officially Potato Head and Rugrat. What's with the nicks people? LOLz

I shall see if I can find me any of the Rugrat series to stream tomorrow. This brings back much from the memory lane. Those were the days. :)

Off to bed now...

First Date?

I got to know him exactly seven days ago through a social network site and it was a humble hi that broke the ice. It was just a normal conversation between two complete strangers yet somehow it had the flow that lasted for more than your average chat conversations, at least compared to my standards when  random people try to create a conversation with me. It was a very easy going and comfortable conversation that you had not need to think of your answers before replying.

Feeling comfortable, we exchanged contact numbers and the conversation kept flowing since. I honestly have no idea what we talk about all day.The conversations seem seamless somehow and him being the sleeping beauty he is, its never the last conversation I have each night however, I'm always greeted first thing in the morning by him when I switch on my phone. The simple message sent each morning feels so warm and sincere that it creates a fuzzy feeling. Maybe this is why I've been in a better mood off late...

Anyways, I finally met him for lunch today though we both live so close to each other and me being me when I'm hungry, I over order. It was a simple nice lunch of oyster noodles. It only hit me afterwards that it was the first time us meeting and I had actually nominated a coffee shop instead of a more ambient place. Like what an ass, but hey, good food matters more.

After lunch, we decided to walk around in the mall as I was complaining non stop about the heat. He wanted to get a T-shirt, but there wasn't any on his size. This guy is super tiny, just when I complained that I could not get proper fitting clothes as S was getting big, he is much more smaller compared to me. If I were to ever go shopping for him, the kids section would definitely be my first stop. And yea, his hair reminds me of the character from Dragon Ball Z whose name I can't remember...LOLz

Half way through walking, he asked me if I wanted to have a drink and we had some fruit juice while still walking around the mall. I so felt like a teenager on a first date once more. Hahaha

It also reminded me of why I hate Malaysia so much. For as long as we were hanging out, we were just getting so much stares from all the wankers that on many occasions that I felt like asking them what the fuck their problem was and also why I don't like going out to public places. Most people don't know how to fucking mind their own business. Assholes!

I had to drop him off later in the evening as he had some pre-planned activities for the evening. I had a really good time and after so long, I do feel happy from within. It was one of the most imperfectly perfect first dates, if this is called a date, that I've ever had.

I'm missing him as I rant this...

Desperation

Desperate times call for desperate measures

This semester has been going on a super charged mode, not from me sadly. The lecturers I got are super charged individuals, that they are throwing out assignments on a weekly basis. Having two papers with two assignments due each week is really taxing. I'm running at a stage where I'm only doing last minute work for my assignments as my work is pretty demanding as well and that I'm still in the adaptation phase. Like today for example, I had to sit in for five meetings and chaired 3 of it. That is really demanding as all three were not inter related and I had to present things that were almost alien to me. I guess this is the price you pay for being a dare devil.

Anyways, I'm supposed to have my mid term next week for both my papers. It was just driving me crazy seeing my schedule as I'd be travelling and that I have more assignments to complete and also prepare for two papers. One isn't as bad compared to the other as I've got a pretty decent statistics background. But after looking at the craziness that installed for me I told myself that the only way I can sustain myself is if I could successfully convince my lecturer to postpone the test for one of the subjects as that would give me some breathing space. 

And that is exactly what I did. I got myself some time now as I managed to talk him into delaying by a couple of weeks. 

Short term goal - success. 

Shorter term goal - in progress. I should get back to completing my assignment which I'm still clueless since yesterday. 

Grrrr....

Rejection

The fear of being rejected is something that no one can deny. I know many who dare not even confess their feelings for someone just because of the fear of being rejected. But what I don't get is, though understandable, why are people afraid of getting things out in the open and moving on?

It's fine to be down for a while when you get rejected by someone that you have some kind of feelings for, but if the other person doesn't feel the same way - so be it. It's his loss that he has missed such a great opportunity to not be able to feel and return your love, it is never yours.

Pick up the pieces and move on. 

I do not deny but I'm also guilty here. When things didn't work out between Jace and me, I secluded and isolated myself for a very long time being away from any sort of relationship. I used to be colder than ice to anyone, especially if I knew the person had some kind of feelings for me. 

But why did I do it? I don't know. 

Now that I think back, I just feel so stupid as I may have miss some great guys that came along the way.

I'm getting out of my freezer, going out there and waltzing into someone's life as all my achievement thus far is meaningless if I don't have anyone to share it with.

After all, if I were to find the right person easily, I would not appreciate him when I do finally meet him. It has to be a search after many obstacles as only then I'd truly value his presence. This is human nature, anything easily obtained is never appreciated.

Mid-term Break

This week was my mid term break and my plan was to seize the opportunity to start studying after completing my assignments as the mid term tests are around the corner and that my current job is pretty demanding, in terms of travelling hours. It's Sunday today and I have not had a chance to do anything. The week is gone, my work hasn't started and I've got much ahead of me. 

I'd be in Hong Kong the coming weekend to sort something out and the next week would be my mid term tests. It also spells due dates for even more assignments and I still can't get hold of one of the textbooks required. 

I see dooms day heading for me faster than the speed of light. I'm so thankful that I did not sign up for three papers this semester else I'd sure as hell embrace to fail all papers. Even with two, I'm not sure if I could even pass. 

I need to pull my cap down and get serious as I've only got a few days to make a difference for myself else I for sure know I'd be regretting for a long time in the near future.

Washing Machine

This is a hard learned lesson, there are only certain things that you can throw into a washing machine and certain things should never go in.

Generally, things that are well accepted into a washing machine would be the dirty laundry where no one would have any issues with that being thrown in. 

During my teenage years, I used to throw my school shoes into the machine on weekends especially when no one was around, else I would definitely hear my mother scream her lungs out across the house. I got busted once and it took a lot of effort to convince her that it was okay and not anyway dangerous to have the machine do its job by washing the shoes. To my surprise back then, she accepted the idea and it was soon a legal activity to dump the shoes into the machine.

Fast forward fifteen years, with full freedom and flexibility to simply throw in anything that I wish into the machine, I've learned one lesson the hard way. A mobile and the machine are not best of buddies. 

I fucked my phone well and good the other day by not checking my pocket and have my jeans thrown into the machine and washed. When I realized, it was too late to salvage anything and my phone is history now. 

I do miss my BlackBerry as it allowed me to type an entire email while driving and none of the full touch screens can allow me to do it. And so, on a desperate attempt, I took the drowned phone to the service center to get it fixed. The dude in the service center just had the look on his face

Grrrr.....

Check Mate

Awesome Friday news - my ex manager, the prick, is under investigation. 

The shit he did about getting the deal he brags about has surfaced. All the money paid to the decision makers have surfaced and the whole thing is now being investigated. 

This together with my exit interview remarks for him is just music to my ears right now.

Karma is a bitch asshole. I did warn you didn't I that I'll fuck you well and proper in your own game. I kept my word. 

And now, I'm in the field of your foundations. My move was intentional, I'll make sure there are no opportunities that will arise for you in this field and that you burnt bridges with many, you're as good as fucked in your current too. Plus, that it was such a niche industry, the word will spread like wild fire and I'll make sure I'll do it as a favor for you if it doesn't. 

Perhaps, it's time for you to think about what you've done and be sorry about it. A word of advice, don't be such a wanker moving forward and use your fucking eyes to see what is happening. And yeah, respect - it's earned not demanded!

I'm going out and getting a bottle of MOET as this calls for a celebration!