Home?

I'm back, but I don't feel good. Though I was there for almost a week, it somehow doesn't feel like I was there that long. I feel so miserable and am not sure if it's the haze but the eyes have been teary since. It has to be the haze.

A friend of mine messaged me earlier this afternoon and asked me if I was back home. I just didn't know how to reply.I feel homesick now that I'm back and I'm very much comfortable being there. Where is home now?

The saying goes by home is where the heart is. By that basis I would say there, but my life is built here. Everything, well almost everything, is here for me except him. But why do I feel so miserable and it's really hitting me very hard this time around after coming back.

I'm so tempted to go back and spend more time with him. It just feels like we didn't spend enough time together this time around. 

I need to get back on my feet, it's impacting him as well that I'm not happy and I can't do that to him. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Overdue

It's a capital F moment currently. I've been working all day and night to complete my submission which was due this afternoon and I'm not anywhere close to completing it. My brains are saturated and I am just having a mental block. I can't seem to write.

Accompanied my boy earlier for an interview and was chatting away with the head hunter while he was with the client. I have myself now a couple of interviews lined up. Like what the fuck!

I'm going to put on my jogging shoes and embrace the jammed roads running away with the chaos happening out there. Hopefully I don't get run down by any vehicles and can find my way back and that should help me continue working on my proposal. Thankfully he had to go back to office and will be working late this evening. Else, I doubt there would be any work happening tonight since it's a Friday night. 

Aaaargh....I need a beer. An ice cold one!

Boo Time

I met my boy last night, after not seeing him for more than a month and a half. For once, I was early to the airport and I reckon it was due to the fact that I wasn't working. Sadly, my flight was delayed and I had too much time to kill. So, I ended up working on my proposal at the airport - something I really hate doing as people would just try to look into your screen. Stupid me, I didn't know that the premium lounge was already opened at the airport.

Anyways, after two stupid flights with MH, I finally reached his place and as I was walking out of the airport, strangers were talking to me in the local language. Hello, can't you see that I'm no local here and I barely know what the fuck you're talking about. 

Even the immigration officer was asking me so many questions in the local language until I started seeing stars after a while. But it was good cause she gave up and decided to stamp on my passport. I figure that she was asking why was I only travelling to one country all the time as my current passport has only this country's stamp.

So, here I am, a thousand miles away from the comfort of my cave with my boy. He's at work at the moment and I'm forbidden from going anywhere close to it. I better continue working on my proposal as I've to submit it tomorrow and there is no work progress once he's back. Tonight would be dinner on the top with great city view and hanging out with his friends.

I miss him already...

Routine Change

It's been so long since I made time to rant; been keeping everything to myself with my boy occasionally listening me rant. Thankfully he hasn't grown tired of it.

I've decided to stop taking shit from idiots thus quitting my job to fully concentrate on my studies for now. It is quite a decision but enough is enough working with idiots and I want some time for myself and my boy. It's been a month plus since we met and I miss him very much.

I'm officially jobless from today and when I woke up this morning, it just felt so weird as for once, I did not have to rush for work - a change in routine after such long time. I'll need to adjust to this new routine of mine of becoming more anti social as I'd be pretty much working from home most of the time writing my dissertation.

Prolly this would be a good time to do some reflection along the way and go back to some charity. I'm thinking of spending more time at SPCA and getting back to meditating as I miss doing it. Reactivating my gym membership would be a good idea too as I have the time to squeeze in for a work out during the off peak hours where people are only more interested in being seen and showing off. 

But first, time to visit my boy. Got to pack my bag, change some money and fly a thousand miles to be with him.

'Til The End of Time

My Snoopster passed on this afternoon by the gate of the house. It was just not right seeing him lying there by the gate where he'd normally be sitting excitedly barking away knowing that I'm around. For once, I saw my dog lay motionless. I just did not know how to react and I still can't that he is no more with me. I'm trying very hard to convince myself that he is in a better place, but it is just not working.

I have been crying non-stop all evening and I just don't know how to express myself. I can't even bring myself to pour out here as my eyes are all teary and my keypad is soaking up the tears from my eyes.

All I want him to know is that there is no one that will ever replace him and I will live with our memories together. I will cherish all the happy times and never forget how he was always there to greet me every morning with a healthy coat of saliva, how he used to force me to take him for his car rides and his walks.

Snoopster, you may have left me physically today marking a black spot in me, but I know that you'll always be by my side with me in everything I do, like how you always have been.

I will always love you.

'Til we meet again....

Counting Down

Two more days - I just need to survive this two days and then I get the break, the break away from the manager from hell. The thought of no need to see her face or listen to her harp is just so luxurious right now.

I am really tired of her being a bitch and I don't know how much longer I can have the energy to put up with her. What really bamboozles me is that why did she just change suddenly. She was bearable as a manager and much better than my previous one though not the best I've worked with. But right now, she is being a real pain in the @$$.

I'm so looking forward for the long weekend where I'm just going to lock myself at home and catch up with all my TV shows that I've been missing. It'll also be a good time to clean the house since the BF would be coming down. 

I still have not thought of what or how to celebrate Valentine's day with him and I am just hoping now that my manager wouldn't be the constipated bitch she is then. Only time will tell. Sigh...

Serial Killer Akin

A friend just highlighted to me earlier on what I've missed that happened somewhat a week ago. As I was hearing him tell me what happened from over the end of the line, I could not help control my tears from clouding my eyes, eventually forming a trail down the cheeks.

I still find it hard to believe that anyone could get so low and do such an inhumane thing. What the fuck did those poor innocent elephants do that they deserved such faith. 

This is just unacceptable and worse, it happened in a forest reserve. What the fuck was the forestry department doing and how did it happen in the first place. A lot of things just don't make any sense. There are so many questions lingering in my head right now.

I sure would like to see how the investigations unfold, but I don't have much hope on anything especially since it happened in this forsaken country. 

The bastards who are responsible for this tragedy as as evil as serial killers and ought to be stoned to death if not sent to the gallows. It is very saddening that animals in this country do not get any kind of protection and people responsible for causing them pain and agony most often walk away with no punishment.

source: thestar online

The above image is just so saddening - its equivalent to having a child left next to his dead mother. I am just so disturbed right now.

The next time anyone walks up to me and says that I'm sick because I'm gay, I for sure am going to tell them gay I may be, but I don't murder which is much better. 

Time to adopt an elephant; it'll be my second adoption after the tiger I have living somewhere in India, if not mistaken.