Now and Forever?

Many a times, I have quite a number of things in my head but when it comes to penning it down, I just don't progress. Last week was busy with dinners every night until the bf complained that he was not getting enough attention.

It was a series of eight nights lined up with eight different groups of friends, each wanting to be hanging out. As much as I am tired of going out night after night, I can't say no to them as it'll be disheartening for many due to  the effort most of them put to accommodate my time.

While I was out with a couple of my girlfriends one of  the nights, one of them made a toast to our friendship. A toast to twenty odd years of friendship and hopefully many more. We knew each other since we were kids, into teenage, young adults and still growing. No one knows what installed tomorrow, but the journey we have shared all these while was full of colorful memories. From the simplest things of playing with water balloons to relationship tangles right up to rushing to the emergency room, every incident was a moment to cherish. I still remember how she work the word idiot into her wedding toast simply because I was a mere five minutes late and calling me at four in the morning when her then boyfriend had just proposed. All the times we went clubbing and could barely walk back to our cars let alone drive home. The amount of stupid things we'd done in public places and that once when we went for a party and I ditch her half-way when I met someone who got my attention. 

Yesterday, The Mrs came by. He flew in all the way just to spend the weekend. While we were just sitting in my balcony and talking, little did we realize that we've known each other for over a decade now. His presence has also undoubtedly painted my life with many colorful stories. We never really did all that many stupid things together as much as we used to quarrel, argue and fight. But somehow, the bond just grew each day and we share a very, what my other friends term, delicate love-hate relationship. 

While these two are the most colorful of characters that I have in my life, the rest of my friends are no less any different. We are all so close that at times the invisible boundary seems to completely disappear. They are closer than family to me for these people have been there for me all this while, good or bad

I just hope that our relationships would last the test of time and the bf could be part of this amazing circle as we all age together gracefully.

Lost & Found

It's been almost forever since I last ranted here though I've had more disposable time since I'm still not working, but I never made it to rant initially was simply because I was just plain lazy, then I forgot my password.

The last few months had been not so hectic as there wasn't the need to go to work, more particularly the no need to see the bitch's face in the morning and hear her screeching voice squeak. 

I had been spending time working on my research, some light travelling and catching up with friends and hanging out til the sunrises.

I finally remembered my password earlier this evening and managed to log into my account. While this happened, I have now forgotten all the things that I wanted to rant about along the way. Will spill it all out once I recollect my thoughts and hopefully not forgotten the password once more. 

I've been forgetting passwords off late that some of my accounts have been suspended :(

0.5

While many talk about the May 13 incident that happen way before most of those discussing it like they had experienced the incident first hand, I have my own share for this date. However, mine doesn't draw back to what happened 44 years ago; I'm just too young for that. 

My phone beeped at one sharp this morning when I was out having a drink with my friend with a message reading "happy anniversary". At the back of my head, I was counting back to how many months since I've known him and have we been going out this long? 

I have to admit that I did become a little absent minded off late with so many things going around me and me constantly thinking of a few things at a go. I do remember when I go for my breaks so the math didn't seem quite right.

Anyways, for those close to me, they very much know that I got to know him when I went to Indonesia last August and met him for the first time back in October. I still very much remember the look on his face when I gave him his birthday gift over dinner as we chatted through the night. I was so attracted to him, that I flew back within a fortnight to meet him once more and successfully persuaded him to accompany me on a shopping hop-over in Bandung.

It was on this date, six months ago in our room, in a beautiful villa which had a huge ceiling height glass panel overlooking the valley beneath where he told me that he felt the same for me and agreed for us to be just more than friends. It is a night to remember, the night where I was the happiest boy in the world.

Six wonderful months have passed, lots have happen. We have had good times laughing together, then there were quarrels and arguments, him nursing me, surviving an opera which felt like eternity for me, constantly getting caught checking out other guys, whining over mall food, shopping together like there was no tomorrow, grocery shopping to cooking at home (it was disaster spelled in every language), stuffing him with all the Penang food, to tongue darting right in the middle of a club - thankfully it was a gay friendly club and I swear it was the alcohol that caused it, to name a few.

I just am happy that I've met him and where we are currently. I don't want to think too much the future is still a blank canvas that we paint on each day making it present to only look back at what's been painted, known as the past. For now, I'm looking forward to meeting him next week and us spending time together understanding each other more and getting closer while he puts up with more of my nonsense along the way.

I love you Stinky!

What Went Wrong

The much awaited elections are over, the results are in and life goes on. Many are not happy with the results for speculations went wrong. While the faithful phone was working overtime last night with updates of informal and formal results pouring in, hopes were getting high from the lows and vice versa.

It was the talk of the town, from coffee shops right up to business meetings where everyone was more interested in the possible formation a new government. Was it too much a wishful thinking that there would be a change of was everyone blinded by their own shortsightedness. There were undoubtedly moods of change screaming through the electronic media but was this the true reflection of the nation as a whole, especially at the more rural areas of the peninsular and east Malaysia which made up of more seats compared to the urban areas where main stream media still is the nucleus.

For many in the urbanized parts of the country, the cash handouts through various political marketing schemes were seen as vote fishing, but these petty sums for some, meant something for the rural poor. And this is what that gave the ruling coalition another term in the corridors of power. I am not saying the polls were just neither am I saying it was adulterated. Look deeper into the results and it will answer certain questions.

When I was asked about the results prior to the election, I did not expect a change in the government but speculated for certain states to have a new administration. Many told me I was pessimistic and I was also lambasted for not being a registered voter. This would have been my third vote should I have registered upon turning twenty one. For that, I used to always just laugh out loud saying that no one would ever win by a one vote majority and Penang was sure a clean sweep. Not doing my duty as a citizen, maybe. But, I have my own reasons for choosing to do so.

As the results were coming in and the winner becoming more apparent, the faithful phone started going frantic once more, this time around with people expressing dissatisfaction and a sense of disappointment. I have to admit that I wasn't happy myself with the results, but I saw it coming. Despite the mental preparation, it did hit me to a certain degree.

What this polls have thought me is that to always look at the bigger picture and not be influenced by your immediate surroundings. 

That said, its not a total loss for the opposition and it isn't victory spelling success for the coalition. There isn't the much needed 2/3 majority and it is thinner compared to the previous election. Much is needed to be done for a better Malaysia.

The results are going to be another coffee shop session and business meeting talks. Thankfully for me, now that I am no longer in the business world, I can excuse myself from the business talks but may succumb to the coffee shop talk as it's always interesting to have different sights and views on the same matter.

All said, I will still not register myself as a voter and do not wish to be actively engaged in politics though many still pester me to do so, register that is, and always ask for statistical analysis on the possible outcomes.  It was very tiring in the run up to the elections answering different quarters with a different lingo almost each time. Equally tiring is consoling all those who had high expectations and lost hope along the way, post elections. 

What matters now is for me to complete my studies and graduate within due course. After that, it'll be full gear trying to secure myself in a place where I can live legally with my partner. 

This may be the reason why I'm not looking at registering myself as no matter who comes into power, my boy and I would never be able to live here legally. 

Selfish? Hell yes! Right or wrong, this is my opinion and I know I'm entitled to one.

Home?

I'm back, but I don't feel good. Though I was there for almost a week, it somehow doesn't feel like I was there that long. I feel so miserable and am not sure if it's the haze but the eyes have been teary since. It has to be the haze.

A friend of mine messaged me earlier this afternoon and asked me if I was back home. I just didn't know how to reply.I feel homesick now that I'm back and I'm very much comfortable being there. Where is home now?

The saying goes by home is where the heart is. By that basis I would say there, but my life is built here. Everything, well almost everything, is here for me except him. But why do I feel so miserable and it's really hitting me very hard this time around after coming back.

I'm so tempted to go back and spend more time with him. It just feels like we didn't spend enough time together this time around. 

I need to get back on my feet, it's impacting him as well that I'm not happy and I can't do that to him. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Overdue

It's a capital F moment currently. I've been working all day and night to complete my submission which was due this afternoon and I'm not anywhere close to completing it. My brains are saturated and I am just having a mental block. I can't seem to write.

Accompanied my boy earlier for an interview and was chatting away with the head hunter while he was with the client. I have myself now a couple of interviews lined up. Like what the fuck!

I'm going to put on my jogging shoes and embrace the jammed roads running away with the chaos happening out there. Hopefully I don't get run down by any vehicles and can find my way back and that should help me continue working on my proposal. Thankfully he had to go back to office and will be working late this evening. Else, I doubt there would be any work happening tonight since it's a Friday night. 

Aaaargh....I need a beer. An ice cold one!

Boo Time

I met my boy last night, after not seeing him for more than a month and a half. For once, I was early to the airport and I reckon it was due to the fact that I wasn't working. Sadly, my flight was delayed and I had too much time to kill. So, I ended up working on my proposal at the airport - something I really hate doing as people would just try to look into your screen. Stupid me, I didn't know that the premium lounge was already opened at the airport.

Anyways, after two stupid flights with MH, I finally reached his place and as I was walking out of the airport, strangers were talking to me in the local language. Hello, can't you see that I'm no local here and I barely know what the fuck you're talking about. 

Even the immigration officer was asking me so many questions in the local language until I started seeing stars after a while. But it was good cause she gave up and decided to stamp on my passport. I figure that she was asking why was I only travelling to one country all the time as my current passport has only this country's stamp.

So, here I am, a thousand miles away from the comfort of my cave with my boy. He's at work at the moment and I'm forbidden from going anywhere close to it. I better continue working on my proposal as I've to submit it tomorrow and there is no work progress once he's back. Tonight would be dinner on the top with great city view and hanging out with his friends.

I miss him already...